When I first left Visakhapatnam for pursuing my Master's in US, I felt miserable and lonely. Lots of my friends had come to send me off and it was then that I realized that I might never meet them again in my life. That very thought was simply unbearable and I never thought I'll be myself again. Soon, 5 days later, when I had to go through security check at Mumbai airport, leaving my parents and sister behind, I felt not only lonely but also helpless and stranded in an unknown place. It was my first flight ever and I was too sad to realize that I got a window seat. As I looked outside the window, slowly my attention diverted from myself to the lonely yellow ball hanging in the sky all by himself. Pity, thought I, that he had no friends with him either, yet he is there everyday, albeit waxing and waning every fortnight, but moving on with his own cycle. I figured that is what life is all about.. moving on... Leaving behind people and holding on to their memories..
Then I made few friends at Motorola in the suburbs of Chicago. When I had to leave to the Bay Area, I had the same feeling of leaving a part of me behind. But by then email, cellphones and other methods of communication had evolved so much that I knew we would be in touch in one form or the other. And I was soo excited by the thought of sunny California that leaving the snow-filled winters seemed like a pleasant getaway:)
Once I moved to the Bay Area, I lost count of how many friends I made.. Few at work.. some through my husband.. some through mutual friends and many many through dance:) Each one of the friends I had known for years now and each holds their own special place. On September 16, 2008, when we left the Bay Area for good, no words could ever describe my feeling of solitude. Seven and a half years of my adult life spent here, it was like a home to me. I knew the roads, every intersection, every signal and I was part of everything that was around me. Once we drove to Denver, after stopping at Vegas, Zion, Bryce and Arches, the amount of fun we had in all different activities kept my thoughts at bay. It was not until our flight took off that I realized that we were leaving US for good!!! India seemed as alien to me as US has seemed to me 10 years ago.. I was leaving the country which had given me so much.. I am the person I am because I had been in US for that long. Had I never been to US, my mind would have never opened up to accept differences and to celebrate them!
Once we landed in India, it took a while before we had made any aquaintances. A few months later, thanks to the community events and my dance classes, I got to know a few families and I made friends with quite a few of them:) The best part being that here I got more attached to kids than adults:) It has been an amazing experience. The way kids unconditionally adore you is something you have to experience personally. The way their eyes light up when they see you, is probably one of the best things in the world. All they need is your love and all they do is love you back:) God! how I love those kids.. Now I got a really good job in Hyderabad and we are moving shortly. Today when we had our farewell, every kid made/got something for me and I was so deeply moved.
I just got home and I realized that I have no friends in Hyderabad, there are lots of family members, but no friends.. I leave Bengaluru with the hope that I will make some new friends in Hyd as well and hope to keep in touch with ones in B'lore.
How many times do we have to move on before we call ourselves settled?
How many memories do you keep accruing before you say you're done?
How many times do you leave yourself behind, before you have nothing else to leave?
(and as a song in Forrest Gump says..)
The answer my friend is blowing in the wind!
